‘Bachelor’ recap: Holy moly, Batman, that was Tierrable
Whoa, whoa, there, Seannie Boy! I love how last night’s hilarious end clip of our “Bachelor” stalling the truck had him blushing that he was “losing his man card,” when little did he know that walking around in his skivvies at the beginning of the show (with the camera shooting up at him no less) probs did a bit more damage to that man card than he realizes. & the pink (er, salmon?) shorts for Selma’s date, too? Don’t worry, we’re still swooning, but, man, this kid is a hoot. I’m still snickering over those Calvin Kleins.
Selma + Sean are absolutely adorable. She is super gorgeous, and I think I have a girl crush on her. (It’s the hair.) But I can’t get past the fact that she gloats about the respect she has for her culture and her mama and just can’t concede to kissing Sean on national TV, but yet she can wear the bustiest workout top LuLu Lemon’s ever sold and canoodle Sean with her chest on the top of a mountain, and we’re OK with that? I totally respect her decisions, and if there’s any guy who can be patient with that, it IS our Mr. Perfect, but c’mon sassy girl, you’re just being a tease! Sidebar, I would ROCK these dates. Let’s be real, don’t you ever watch the show and be like, dang, that’s the perfect date for me! He would totally fall in love with me once he saw how awesome I did! Maybe not, but I would have died and squealed to heaven if Sean took me to that sweet ‘ol camping site. S’mores and my own RV? Too good to be true.
The group date’s roller derby bit was just a joke. And knowing what the date was going to be and still inviting Sarah? That’s just plain mean. I don’t know if the show was itching to capitalize (once again) on Sarah’s disability, but do we draw a line here, people? Meanwhile, Amanda continued to haunt us all when she laughed hysterically that everyone was scared of her, but little did she know that they were not scared of her (non) skating abilities, they were scared because every time she laughs cackles, thunder crashes and lightning strikes and, well, the earth shakes. That is scary. Good riddance.
“Tierrable’s” (snaps, Catherine!) manipulation isn’t even shocking anymore. We have someone like this every season, and personally, I’m just yawning over here. But then she still got me when she just, like, decided to be tired of “fakeness” (yeah, yours! HA), threw an epic temper tantrum (to the cameraman?) and got her way with Sean. What was that? As he walked away to get her the rose (puke), she drew this vile Cheshire cat smile across her face, and what I would have given to jump through that TV screen….. Oh, she’s good.
Holy moly, Batman, thank god Leslie is gone. And I only say that because there is no way I could have mustered the patience to hear “Holy Moly” for one more episode. There are better words. I also think her leaving had a bit to do with her dress choice. She’s in Badgley Mischeka on Rodeo Drive and the best she could do was that silver little number? “Big mistake. Huge.” And, every lady knows that if you’re dress is going to be blingy on top, surely you don’t throw on a blingy necklace to compete. That’s just Lady 101. But then again, Lady 102 is you never refuse diamonds so, OK, I digress. She really did have an eerie resemblance to Julia Roberts with that smile, didn’t she?
Robyn needs to really give it up with this chocolate nonsense. Once again, I feel like we’re drilling a glued sign to the wall here. She seems wonderful when she’s not around him, so can’t we capitalize on that? And not on pieces of chocolate to get a kiss? Not necessary. I hear actually having chemistry with a dude is a pretty sure fire to get a kiss, too. And throwing temper tantrums.
Can we talk about how the giddy and adorable relationship between Sean + Catherine came out of nowhere? Had we even seen those two alone together before last night? I do remember liking her, but I feel like she’s been on the show maybe once or twice (the one with the nose ring, right?) but they completely were hitting it off at the rose ceremony, and I’m disappointed the show hadn’t given us more of them before, because she also seems so normal and fun and awesome. I want to be her friend. And I want her to marry Sean. God, do I have a girl crush on her, too? This is getting out of hand, because I haven’t even told you how much I adore AshLee and Dez, who I’m sad we didn’t get to see more of last night. Daniella and Jackie, you’re hanging by a thread.
Did you catch that we get two episodes next week!? Two nights of Sean in his skivvies? Whew, I don’t even know if I have time for that. I’m blushing again. Is it hot in here??
