'Bachelor' recap: Harlequin cover photos; Amanda's voodoo

‘Bachelor’ recap: Harlequin cover photos; Amanda’s voodoo

A few years ago, I showed up to work and noticed a Harlequin novel on my desk. I know, so embarrassing, right? The cover alone had me blushing! Little did I know Fifty Shades would later come along and turn Harlequin into the new black.

The reason that book was there was because I had admitted to a coworker I had never read Harlequin novels before. Shocking, I know. But of course, I was insanely curious and couldn’t start reading fast enough. It was soooo guilty pleasure, so laughable but so crazy good. Come to think of it, it gives me the same satisfaction I find from Real Housewives and the Kardashians. I don’t care what you think, I’m watching anyway.

By the way, Jill, I still have your book. Surely, you’ve had sleepless nights without it. Maybe after I read it the third time, I’ll return it?

Aside from Amanda’s scowls and Tierra’s bipolar disorder, Harlequin stole the show last night on “The Bachelor.” If I were ever to be on the show, that would be, like, my favorite date. Can you imagine getting all gussied up for a book cover?! And posing with the hulky body that is Sean? I’d squeal. Surely though, not as squealy as Kristy the Model. Gaaawd, I could not imagine how annoying that must have been being around her. “I’m sooo in my element, I’ve done this for yeeeears, I’m sooooo hotttt.” I can’t stand girls like that. Neither can Tierra. But at least the poor girl didn’t let Kristy “get to her.” Oh, no, not at all.

Tierra is scary, right? She must totally follow Courtney Robertson on Twitter.

Oh, and by the way, peace out, Katie, you’re crazy for letting a chance with dreamy Sean go! But then again, your hair definitely would not have made it in the Maldives, or wherever the fantasy dates will end up this season.

Despite the fact that literally free-falling from the top of a building was just not necessary, Sarah’s one-on-one date was pretty darling. (Sidebar, I have a phobia for elevators, and if some dude said our date was going to be jumping off a 35-story building but added that we at least wouldn’t have to take the elevator down, I’d totally be in.) Even though their chemistry did seem a bit forced, Sean is such a good dater, totally genuine and sweet, no matter what. However, I’m bothered that if Sarah has lamented numerous times she doesn’t want to be known as the girl with a disability and wants men to see her for who she is inside, then why oh why does she keep talking about her disability?? Let’s move on to that great personality you keep raving about.

Speaking of raving, that’s all I can do about Sean and Des. I really like her, and she just looks like a kid who would date Sean. I’m angry about the prank situation, because even though it was an adorable idea (Sean, you’re so silly), it seemed like staging the prank was even staged, that even Des knew what was happening. I’m a dramatic person, but c’mon, wouldn’t you just have flipped out and, at the very least, jumped out of your chair, when a one-of-a-kind art piece hit the floor?! And she, what, smiles with a teensy gasp? Please. Their endearing family talk and hot-to-trot chemistry in the pool made up for it later.

Clearly something Amanda could have used to take the edge off. WOAH. Girls, don’t disturb her while she’s practicing her voodoo. On you. I truly fear for Sean that if he lets her go soon (duh, he will), her next hoax will be on him and we’ll be watching some sad kangaroo give roses away. So scary.

Snaps to Lesley last night. She really has this “I’m going to be your buddy, dude” vibe going on, but it’s clearly working, and gunning for that kiss was super cute during the group date. Where did Selma come from? She’s a doll! Lastly, Daniella’s a lush, but she’s also that chic in your sorority that you really love to hang out with but wouldn’t admit to your actual friends for fear of typecasting. But, she’s gotta be fun to have around the house.

Not as fun as Amanda’s witchcraft though. Eeesh. Here are winning photos from the Harlequin date.